The most recent $100 came a few minutes ago from fellow Raising Malawi fund raiser, hell raiser, roof raiser Franceso Rafael Rengifo. We've never met, but I know him from an online world. He's my Facebook friend. He connected with me thru my blog, if I remember correctly.
Today, he wrote a Facebook note to say he's "saying no to lazy" and, while he is generally very good about not being lazy, he recognizes the need to "step up (his) fame" if he is to "beat Madonna at her own game."
Ah, yes. The ol' "get famous so you can save the orphans and then save the world" game. I know it well. Franceso is a self-professed Aquarian. Being Aquarius myself, I get the grand ambition. And I think it's a good thing to push to your highest potential, whatever that may be.
I think for all of us, though, the real test will come after you reach your goal(s). Will you be able to detach your identity from your success? If your goal is really to end poverty or to save orphans, then the moment that happens, can you let yourself be forgotten? Completely lost and overlooked in the movement? Will you be able to kill off your own ego - the one that builds itself on the journey?
Maybe that means you have to give up the dance with Madonna. Could you do it? Maybe you need to delete your blog. Get rid of your story. Could you do it? Could you accept and even welcome that your only reward will be the very low profile of elevating to a higher consciousness? If so, the world will truly benefit by the energy you put in because there is no other agenda for it. That, in my opinion, is an authentic use of energy.
Where is your energy going?
How does your ego stack up? How does mine?
I have no answers. I just love the inquiry.
And are egos really so bad, anyway? I think we need our egos to push us forward. We're always so worried about "bad ego" so we can go off and stoke our authentic selves. But you know, I've never met a living soul without an ego. Wearing dumpy clothes and sitting on a mountaintop, means jack. Some of the biggest egos hide in spirituality. The idea is to die before you die. Find a way to die to your ego without your ego telling you how....because then it will build in its own strategy to survive.
That's the test of ego, I think.
Francesco and I just had an IM exchange, and it came up, which is what inspired me to write this. Meet Francesco:
9:07am FRANCESCO
Julia, I just donated 100 bucks towards your goal but I did not say it was towards your goal.
dope! I should not have told you that. Oh stupid Ego
9:09am JULIA
you did?!! thank you! i will add to total. doesn't matter if you indicated....i keep tally.
9:09am FRANCESCO
I wanted to tell you cause I forgot to write it in the form we fill out at the centre for donation
9:09am JULIA
good ego
9:09am FRANCESCO
lol
9:09am JULIA
thanks so much!
9:09am FRANCESCO
I am going to try to hit up the fam for cash and see what we can drum up. how long are you in London?
9:09am JULIA
great! i'm here thru 1/7
9:11am FRANCESCO
ok, I'll see what I can do for you
those bitches in weho better start pulling out their wallets next weekend
9:12am JULIA
it's what WE can do together for the orphans, of course. and yes, get the bitches
can i post this exchange on my blog? it's funny.
9:13am FRANCESCO
thanks yeah
Thank you, Franceso! No doubt in my mind you are a bit whacked, but also a loving and generous soul. Hope my ego didn't stroke your ego too much. But all the same, keep up the good work!
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