My 2007 New Year's Resolutions (Restrictions)

Anyone who knows me knows I am a goal fanatic. Every January 29th I make a birthday video and set measurable goals. Run a marathon. Host a party. Get PADI (diving) certification. Whatever. Raising $101K for Malawi and volunteering in Africa will be part of my birthday goals for 2007.

New Years goals are a little different for me. My New Year's Resolutions are more like New Year's Restrictions. According to Kabbalah, restriction is critical to generating Light. Literally think of it like a lightbulb. The filament between the positive and negative charge restricts the flow of energy. The stronger the restriction, the brighter the Light.

I don't always set New Year's restrictions, but when I do, look out! They're actually the easiest kind of resolutions for me to keep because restrictions are entirely within my control. For example:

1. January 1, 1991. No meat.
I became a vegetarian 16 years ago as a New Year's resolution. Actually, I'm a "veg-aquarian" because I still eat fish. I sometimes forget it was ever a resolution because now it's a lifestyle.

2. January 1, 1992, 1993 and 1994. No chocolate.
My grandma was a smoker. It bugged me that she was smoking herself to death, not to mention that when I lived with her in the late 80s and later when I'd visit, I couldn't escape smelling like an ashtray.

I pushed her buttons one day when I insisted that she "just quit already!" She snapped back, "You have no idea. You've never been addicted to anything!" I had to put my money where my mouth was. Then it hit me. At the time I was having two or three chocolate bars a day. (It's true!) So, to test my own strength around addiction, I gave up chocolate. It was very tough at first, but I got used to it. In 1995, I decided not renew my annual ban on chocolate. I decided I had my chocolate-eating under control and I proved to myself that I could quit forever if I really, truly wanted.

On February 17, 1995 I broke the New Year's spell with a King-sized KitKat while watching the play, Kiss of the Spiderwoman on Broadway. The whole experience was divine. It's interesting to reflect on this as I'm just finishing a box of Raisinets. :) Life is better with chocolate.

BTW, grandma never gave up the smokes. Or Jim Beam for that matter. You can't inspire everyone with a chocolate restriction, I guess.

Two more points about New Year's Restrictions.

1) They have to be a stretch for you; the harder the better. But not so hard that you bag out on your word before you get any real momentum.

2) They don't have to be about denying yourself something. Sometimes, restriction is about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Doing something that you might not otherwise do. I usually reserve those goals for my birthday video because they tend to be harder to measure and I like having the tape to self-assess a year later.

OK. Here we go.....My 2007 New Year's Resolutions

Restriction #1: Food combine
This one is going to be hard for me b/c I like pizza and tunafish sandwiches, etc. I'm going to food combine everyday, with a 3-meal weekly allowance of non-combined foods. EXCEPTION: No requirements to food combine if food itself is scarce/options are very limited. EX: If I only get one banana and a bowl of rice in Malawi, I'm just going to eat it. Rather than starve, I'll just monitor calories (no more than 1500 per day) in those situations.

I food combined from 1987 thru 1991-ish. I remember my roommate Kathy Holohan gave me the nickname, "Ms. Health". I was wicked disciplined.

Basically, you don't mix proteins with carbs in any one meal. You have to wait 3 hours after a carb meal till you can have a protein meal. You need to wait at least 4 hours after protein gets digested before you can have something else. Fruit is always on its own. Vegetables go with anything. I know it's a great lifestyle diet because you end up eating a lot more fruits and vegetables than you would otherwise. And, you tend to eat less bad-for-you foods, b/c they tend to be incompatible in and of themselves.

Restriction #2: Sleep-deprived study
I resolve to wake up every night between midnight and 4am to study my kabbalah/Zohar for 30 to 101 minutes per night. Hey, if it were easy, it wouldn't be a restriction. Sorry, David. It's either this or a sex restriction. I gather this would be your preference?

Restriction #3: 101 a day
I experimented with this in November. It's actually hard because so many things come up, so I'm going to make it a resolution. Every day, I'm going to do one or more of these "101" activities to help grow my consciousness around Raising 101K for Malawi. Each day, I will choose from:

a) 101 crunches
b) 101 push ups or biceps/triceps with weight bar
c) 101 leg lifts on each leg
d) 1001 jumps on a jumprope * (101 is too easy)

I took my folks parasailing when we were in Tampa for Thanksgiving. This is them doing that.

Midas, Money and Misty: How I Raised $101K in 2007

This is going to be a really big year for me, I know it. And I need it to be to hit my $101,000 goal for Malawi.

So, what is the plan?

Well, Chanukah is over now. I've done the spiritual work. My head is in a good place, and when it slips out of that place I know how to reconnect it pretty quickly. Now, I'm ready to play the game.

While driving in Toronto with David and his son Tyler on his way to his dad's (who is really very Scottish! He's Mike Meyers' father in "So, I Married an Ax Murderer" -- very lovable!) we talked about an idea I have for a new business. David is always telling me I should do something online. I've always thought so too. The concept is "The Perfect Gift".com -- a place to get ideas and gifts for those occasions when you don't really know what to give and/or really want to make it special. More on that later. This is my money blog entry.

So, the seed of my business idea is to earmark at least 10% of my 2007 profits to Raising Malawi. That means I need to make about a million dollars -- $750K to be exact since we're not starting at zero. So that's what I'll do.

I've studied archetypes for years. I am very lucky that one of my archetypes happens to be Midas. I've had it since I was 14. Exactly like Midas, I have a special touch when it comes to manifesting money. Note: the shadow side of Midas is Miser. It's a real duality. My friends give me grief when I am late to meet them because I took the bus versus a cab. I often forget that I have money. Like David always tells me, you can take the girl out of Chicago, but you can't take the Little Matchstick out of the Girl. ;)

Anyway, when I was 14, my dog Misty got Leukemia. The picture above is of me and my brother David with Misty, an Airedale Terrier. We dressed her up in our night clothes this particular night when it was bedtime. We loved her. We got her when I was four years old. She was part of our family.

Out of nowhere, Misty started moving slow. She was dragging her tail on walks and otherwise behaving like a lazy dog. My parents took her to the vet and told me that Misty was going to die. She needed her spleen removed, but we didn't have the money for the surgery. I decided in that moment that not only would Misty have her surgery, I would always have money. I decided right then and there that I would be the clearing for money to show up when I needed it. And then I'd work my tail off to get it: shoveling driveways, babysitting, second jobs bussing tables or making milk shakes. Nothing has ever been handed to me. I've always busted my butt, which is why I have no guilt and am very free around money. And now money comes freely to me. And yes, Misty had her operation and lived a while longer. Long enough for me to painfully accept that it was indeed her time to go.

Since then, I've always found money when I needed it. I found money for college -- mine and a chunk for my ex-husband. A huge wedding. Three properties. Cars. Grad school. International vacations. Whatever my heart desired.

I share this not to brag. But to provide something. Money -- when it moves to, through and from you -- is just energy. Be miserly with it, and you won't have a lot of it. Share it or let a lot of it move through you for the right reasons -- to grow your vessel and become a being of sharing -- well, you get bigger and the Light says, woah! There's a lot of money moving through that person and she's bringing more Light into the world! I better keep her stocked.

At the same time, people can be very stupid with their money. They're gamblers and dreamers. Money doesn't come (or doesn't stay with you) when you are blocked around money. Like when you operate from a context of scarity or worse, money for nothing. "It'll just rain from the sky and fall in my lap forever." Well, good luck with that!

I know I'm sounding preachy, but it's because I have something to say on this topic. Actually, I have a LOT more to say on this topic, but I'll hold off till next year when I can make my point better through a successful business.

If you're interested, this is a good clip about the wisdom of kabbalah and the point of my studies. It's not about money, per se. But it is. It's about context. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

And I hope you'll join me in a money conversation in your own life. I'm not referring to Raising Malawi. That's not for everyone. But, there is something in your life I'm sure that you'd like to have money for. If that's the case, I invite you to play a big money game this year. Come on......snake eyes!

Cape Town Sunday Times, Business Times, March 19, 1995

Hey Donna! I love that you check in on my blog and leave comments! The blogosphere is so lonely at times. So, I dedicate this entry to you :)

Donna was one of my roommates in grad school at Northwestern. That's her pictured on the far right. There's me, third in from the left. We went to South Africa together in 1995 for one of our elective courses with Kellogg, "Global Initiatives in Management". Part of our coursework -- since we were with Medill, Integrated Marketing Communications -- was to get some PR for the NU South Africa initiative.

So we wrote a press release and made some calls when we were in-country. Naturally, we worked it so that only a handful of the Kellogg students would know when the media folks were coming. This way, Donna and I could get in all the pictures. Ha! It actually wasn't quite so calculated, but luck seemed to follow us around. Oop! Here we are again! ;)


This was my first and last trip to Africa. It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited. I remember watching a whale out in the distance in Cape Town, where the Atlantic meets the Pacific. Donna took this picture of me there --



Yesterday, Oprah aired her visit to South Africa which she themed, "Christmas Kindness." Terrible name, but good show. I think it was filmed in 2005. She says that going to South Africa -- visiting orphans and passing out gifts to the kids -- was the best day of her life. All the girls got little Black babydolls. All the boys got soccer balls. And then some other stuff.

At one point during one of the parties, Oprah was crying uncontrollably...actually gasping. It was because it gave her so much joy to provide for these truly needy, truly grateful children. She said she actually had a joy headache.

Still, I know there is latent sadness under all the joy. Because a doll and/or a soccer ball could never be enough. These children are orphaned, fending for themselves. Going without food and clothes. Two little girls came home to find drunk men in their beds. I can think of no worse hell. Actually, I've lived that scenario myself. Er... a lot. So, as an expert I can say that it's disgusting and offensive. How can you feel safe? At least I'm an adult. I can generally fend for myself.

I have some great pictures of the kids we met in Soweto (south west township....very poor area) in 1995....but I must've put them in storage. I'll upload a few shots when I get them back.

Anyway, once you've been there, once you've seen for yourself all the majesty juxtiposed with so much struggle...you can't help be be affected. And me? I can't unsee and unknow...although I forgot for a long long time. I guess there's no real way any of us can be free if we avoid responsibility for the basic human dignity of our fellow man. We're really all one soul. It's so easy to forget or ignore or avoid that. But I really believe it. We have a moral obligation to each other at the level of human dignity. Beyond that I think it's optional.

So, I'm calling down a miracle this year. I request/create/desire that this be a BIG BIG year for me. May I seriously expand my wealth so that I can really make a difference for the forgotten children of the world.

Hold tight, Sir Bono. I'm right behind you, baby!

I’m at LaGuardia. David got me a ticket to Toronto to meet the parents. My mom advised me to smile a lot because I have good teeth. I hope that’s enough because I’m not great in new social situations. I am dressed to kill, however. And I mean that literally. I look a little like Johnny Cash. Plus, I did my eyebrows up with the new Anastasia kit from Sephora. Anastasia does Oprah’s eyebrows. Her kits are a fortune, but really worth it. It’s like I have a new face. I hope the “in-laws” will like it.

I met with my career coach David Dowd yesterday. He was so great. I’ve been struggling with my ego lately at home and at work. I am surrounded by egomaniacs, so I want to either a) run away from it all or b) bomb everyone to bits. If you’re the FBI, I don’t mean that literally. It’s just that I have a lot of frustration – anger/rage -- inside of me that doesn’t know how to fight other people’s egos without bringing my own to the surface.

David Dowd pointed out that my ego is revving in full gear right now. We’re going through a re-org at work and I’m operating in survival mode. I want to see myself as separate from all the egomaniacs around me. And "separateness" causes me to want to defend my turf (not that anyone is trying to annex it. Just feels like people are trespassing a lot lately). But, alas, turf wars are nothing more than egos running the show from survival mode. I need to put down my weapons. And it’s tough.

We also distinguished that my ego is an expert at morphing. Morphing so I can’t find her! It’s like the entry I wrote over Thanksgiving. That face of “nice.” Of course, that was before these new rockin’ eyebrows. But I digress.

The ego (desire for self alone) lives off of intensity and duality. It needs drama for intensity. The resulting experience is a placebo for the authentic self. Basically, drama provides a nice distraction from having to deal with yourself.

So, who is “self”? Who are you? Well, you're not your past. Not your future. Not your thoughts. Not your emotions. Not your body. Not your health. So who?

Who YOU are is the choosing. Strip away everything else, and you’ll see that who YOU are lives at the impulse, that beat of the 'Now' ... that choice between feeding your ego or feeding your authentic self.

That’s why alcoholics especially have to focus on taking it one day at a time. Because we’re hardwired to want to just “fix” it. And then we say “Done. It’s fixed. No more addiction. No more problem.” That gives us the very comforting illusion of being in control. But life is not a series of problems to be fixed. We convince ourselves that there’s something wrong that we can fix, and then our egos have us by the balls. That’s the mind game. And it’s hard to win it because the ego is so clever.

In the war against my own ego, I lose as often as I win.

David (my coach) offered up a good strategy: Give up being who you were. It’s not real anyway. You are not what you know, what you have, what you do. It's so true. I meet so many uninspiring people who think that those things are who they are. And it's all they talk about. They are extremely boring to be around.

The healthier focus is to turn your attention on who you are becoming. And while you're at it, notice who the person across from you is becoming in your presence. That’s an authentic life, and an exciting life to live.

My coach and I do a lot of work on the various tenets of freedom, one of which is to “Face everything. Avoid nothing.” I positively suck at that tenet.

It means dealing with your own truth...a lot of which I haven’t wanted to touch because it seems so inconsistent with the world around me. But, that’s no way to live, so I foresee lots of changes in the year ahead. Or, maybe the only change will be me. I dunno. I’m not setting out to fix anything anymore....intentionally anyway. I choose to live my truth....or at least be more aware of it.

Oh, cool! Bono is being knighted in Dublin for all the work he’s doing on Aids in Africa. They say you can’t call him sir because he’s not a British citizen. I will anyway. That’s a great honor, Sir Bono! You so literally rock.


Ok, so I should probably go to the gate now and see if it’s time to board.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good flight!

I have some ideas swirling around for my next fundraisers:

1. A NYC benefit show -- mini skits/improv/comedy. $15-20 admission. My friend Kasha is connected to lots of performers (i know some too from my improv class). Kasha knows the ins and outs about booking venues in the city and pulling this sort of thing off, so she promises to be an awesome resource. I'm thinking spring 2007.

2. A pay-it-forward video. This idea is inspired by my friend Donna from grad school. I'm going to go to Malawi early next year to document what we're doing there as well as the impact of our contribution on the people in this village.

The fundraiser concept is to burn several DVDs of this short documentary (with 'thank yous' to some of the donors by name!)....give it to a handful of those who have already donated and ask them to pay it forward within their social network. It's like a chain letter. You're asked to watch video, make donation (optional) and hand it off to someone else. I'll be the first and last person on the list so I can track how well each video does to raise add'l funds for the cause. This is also timed for late spring/early summer, as I have to get to Malawi first.


3. A charity day at the Neverland Ranch. I was in London yesterday (I'm in Frankfurt now). David met me for the London portion of my world travels....We went to see Madame Toussaud's wax museum. It was actually kind of a bust. There's a good Angelina Jolie wax likeness, but Brad looks like a melting monkey. There was also a bad waxed Michael Jackson. It sparked an idea, though -- MJ loves children. He's all about "healing the world." (it's one of his videos). And he has that cool theme park....so, what can it hurt to write him a letter? I'm going to do that in two weeks during Chanukah -- when the energy of miracles is all around!

Keep on with the force, don't stop.
Don't stop till you get enough (click here).
Keep on with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough
Keep on with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough
Keep on with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough
Keep on with the force don't stop
Don't stop 'til you get enough

This is Bokang Rakabaele. He lives in Sub-Saharan Africa. He is 8. That's him on the left this past May. He has AIDs, tuberculosis and pneumonia. (Time Magazine, Dec. 4, 2006)

The photo on the right is him today, just 6 mos later. What changed? He got medicine -- he takes antiretroviral drugs (ARV) twice a day for the treatment of HIV. Without treatment, nearly a third of HIV-positive infants die by their first birthday, and half die by age 2.

My nephew Luke is 7. I hadn't seen him in almost a year! The whole family (and my David) went to Tampa this year to spend the week on the beach together for Thanksgiving. When my sister-in-law Nancy asked him if he would remember what I looked like, he said, "Yes. Aunt Julia has same color hair as yours, mama. And a laptop."

I love my little Luke. He said grace for us before turkey. It went something like, "Bless us oh Lord, for this food, which we are about to deserve...."

Ha!

Makes you think, though. Does anyone deserve food? Or, better asked, doesn't everyone deserve food? On the last night there, Luke and my dad got to talking about Christmas. My dad was telling him that Santa knows who's been naughty and who's been nice....so, you have to be nice if you want gifts.

Luke was contemplative a moment. Then he asked, "Papa? How many times can you be naughty?"

I live in New York, so I don't get to hang out with the little ones all that much, but when I do, I cherish it. Luke is healthy and happy; naughty or nice, he's a good kid who deserves to be a kid.

So does this little boy in Africa. And this year he got it. He lives in Lesotho, home to one of several pediatric centers of excellence for AIDS. (Four have opened--in Botswana, Lesotho, Malawi and Swaziland. Four more are in planning stages)

His Santa Clauses were:*

1)The President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief
-- allocated $63 million this year for the treatment of pediatric AIDS
2 The Clinton Foundation
-- negotiated a 50% reduction in the price of a key medication.
3)A handful of nonprofit organizations, corporations and faith-based groups began sending more doctors to the developing world to help plug some of the health-care gaps for children.

What happens next in Lesotho and the rest of sub-Saharan Africa depends a lot on how broadly these first efforts expand. All the ARVs in the world aren't going to help much if children and their families don't have enough food to build up their strength or clean water to keep from picking up infections. Tough as it has been to focus attention on children with AIDS, it has been harder for clinics to get and use a common antibiotic to prevent pneumonia and other ills in HIV-positive children who don't yet need ARVs. "One of the biggest obstacles in treating children has been having a consistent guardian," says Dr. Martha Sommers, head of clinical services at Embangweni Hospital, a church-run facility in rural Malawi. "Often the guardian is sick or dying, or the children are orphans and getting passed from one guardian to the next." (Time Magazine, Dec. 4, 2006)

I am very happy and proud to be part of a global push to help children get to be children. All children deserve to be children.

As the Time article so aptly concluded -- there will always be more to do, but at long last the work has begun.

WE ARE RAISING MALAWI!

Namitete, Malawi – Construction on the new Consol Homes Raising Malawi Orphan Care Center is underway! We broke ground in October and expect the new center to be open by or before March 1, 2007!

The new child care facility will serve thousands of orphans and vulnerable children from various villages in and around the Malawian district of Lilongwe.

The new Orphan Care center will be managed by Consol Homes, a secular non-governmental, non-profit, community-based organization currently serving approximately 12,500 children.

Consol Homes is well known for the creation of the Orphan Affairs Unit, a unique psycho-social program (endorsed and promoted by UNICEF) for orphan children whereby orphans lead, manage and implement programs for other orphans.

(Orphans helping orphans. Don't you just want to cry?!)

The new facility will provide food, education, psycho social programs, vocational skills training and other important programs to countless children and families in the area.

It's Sunday 11/19 -- Thanksgiving holiday madness at JFK. I was supposed to be on the 8:10am flight to Tampa. I am instead eating a Boston Creme and chocolate glazed donut in the boarding area, killing a few hours before my next standby flight.

So, what does any of this have to do with Raising Malawi? Everything.

I'm going to be on the road for the next month for work and play, and not coming home in between. From Tampa I'm going to London. Then Frankfurt, Paris, Moscow and finally Tokyo. I packed a bathing suit and a winter coat in my carry-on. There is really no good way to prepare for this trip. But I know I will be dipped into exciting, new experiences. New breakdowns. New breakthroughs. And I am very clear that before I can have a breakthrough in Raising Malawi, I have got to raise my own consciousness. I've been tested twice today, already.

TEST #1 (Kink in the plans)

I arrived an hour and 15 mins. before my flight. Obviously, that wasn't sufficient. I missed my flight by about three minutes. I am sitting here now reflecting on all the emotions and anxiety I went thru in the long and winding security line and in the race down the terminal until I received official word, "The flight is closed."

Reflecting now on my consciousness, I am quick to compare myself to David -- who tends to be a hothead in these situations. I've heard him be snippy or condescending with people, as if somehow his problem is their fault. Sometimes it is, but what does it ever help to say so? I say this actually not to pick on David so much as to thank him for being in my life so I can see my own junk. Cuz, until this morning, I somehow believed I was better than all that.

But nope. I do the very same thing, only I internalize it. AND, the more I think about it, in some ways, his transformational shortcomings are actually more evolved than mine. Why? Because he's more of a creator in his life. Although yelling, "Out of my way, you bastards!" isn't exactly a positive quality, he does usually get his way, casualties aside.

Me? I don't get my way, and then I stew in it. You will live....but me. I'll stew or, like I did today, over dramatize my lack of disappointment. "Oh, no worries. This is great. There's another flight in a couple hours....." But inside, I'm hopping mad or just flat out disappointed. I'm a victim.

Insight
I slip out of the role of "creator" when I believe there are forces at play that are bigger than me, which is often. But what if all that is an illusion? What if I am always the creator, even when the situation suggests otherwise?

In this moment, I'm not at the design of my life. I'm living at the effect of it; the effect of someone else's design. As I sit here typing on my laptop, I'm not upset or mad. I'm actually in a positive mood. But I'm placated. Thank god for wireless hotspots in airports. It's keeping me preoccupied. But am I really living right now? Not really. I'm placated. Like a baby with a pacifier.

And I know the drill. I've gotta let go...take 100% responsibility for the here and now... It's scary. It doesn't sound scary.....but when you really look around and really think about it...Yikes! It all starts to look different when I consider that I created this experience exactly as it is. This is my doing. This is my creation. (What was I thinking?!)

TEST #2 (Misplaced Desire)

No room on the 10:45am flight. I have to standby now till 12:55p. There were actually 3 of us staring at the attendant at the gate --wanting, waiting, yearning in silence to hear the words, "you can go ahead and board."

My consciousness then? I had a fleeting wish that there only be one seat not two, which I would surely get because they were traveling together. But, in the end none of us got on.

So, I sat down to play on my computer again. And I'm sitting here thinking, "Why is that fat woman with the bad haircut hogging the power outlet for her cheap-ass cell phone? She doesn't deserve it." Implying, clearly I do.

Here's what I am learning.

Insight
There she is again, right inside me -- Desire for self alone. Nasty little bitch, ain't she.

I am "evolved" -- enlightened, at peace and happy when things go my way. But when they don't.... well. Like my mom used to say, "When she was good she was very very good. But when she was bad she was horrid." I think that's a terrible thing to tell your daughter by the way, but it stuck with me. So here I am. Horrid.

How the hell am I going to raise a nickel from people who are as self-absorbed and horrid as I am right now? I don't care about people around me. My laptop is way more important to me than that lady's stupid cell phone (or if I'm really honest, even the lady herself). And I don't like her husband either...why? i dunno. Maybe because he's with her.

So, as long as I hold myself "better than" I will keep myself "separate from" and continue on the wheel of life....spinning around and around on the axis of "me" and never make a difference in the world.

I hope today's incidents were big enough sticks to jam in the spokes and get me off the Me-Myself-and-I ride once and for all.

This is Michael Berg, who is co-creator of the Raising Malawi project. I adore him. He's the one I spoke with two weeks ago when Madonna was in town. He's pictured here with the Dalai Lama, whom I've loved and respected since I was little. Years ago, I saw an interview with him on 60 minutes when he was in exile after China annexed Tibet. He is so wise and adorable. I read some of his books. They're great -- so authentic! One of my all time favorite books is "Seven Years in Tibet." It's by Heinrick Harrer, but stars our boy the Dalai Lama when he was growing up. I couldn't make it thru the Brad Pitt movie of the same name -- too slow. Or maybe I was too tired. I should try again. But the book is awesome!

I went to the Beacon Theater a few years ago to hear the Dalai Lama speak. He walked in the room and the room shifted. His energy was positively palpable. Buddhist wisdom is very much about everything/nothing reality. It felt a lot like Landmark! at least as much as I understood it. Richard Gere was up there on the stage next to him.

I also bumped into one of the creative directors I was working with on the Dairy Queen account at the time. We were both sort of shocked to see each other, but agreed that it was better there than in a strip club or something.

Anyway, in his newletter, Michael Berg writes:

"Recently in New York I had the privilege to attend an intimate gathering held in honor of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. The burning question in my mind was, “What is the primary spiritual goal that Buddhists have and how is it similar to Kabbalah?”

At some point, I began talking to Professor Robert Thurman, a leading Buddhist scholar and author. He is a very straightforward man, and he told me there is only one thing a true Buddhist knows:

Our purpose in this world is to remove our ego – our selfish desire – and to transform it into a desire to serve others.

I shared with him that this is precisely what Kabbalah teaches -- transforming the Desire To Receive for the Self Alone into the Desire To Receive in Order To Share.

Our singular purpose is the same. We also spoke about the challenge of teaching this concept in a way that not only resonates with people but also adheres to their lifestyle.

Professor Thurman shared something that the Dalai Lama had once said to him:

“Most of the Buddhists I know have failed in their work.”

This struck a chord within me for it is something my father and teacher Rav Berg has been telling me my entire life. Everything we do of a spiritual nature must be motivated by the intention of transforming our ego. As long as this focus is not clear, we have also, to a certain degree, failed.

Personally, this is a teaching I struggle with every day of my life. The battle to transform my own ego-centric nature is one I wake up to every morning, and it requires constant vigilance."

--
I see it. I'm covered in it.

While I'm better in dealing with my ego nature compared to say the likes of my boyfriend David Duncan -- we decided to get back together btw, despite his gi-normous ego -- am I really better?

Well....the answer to that is yes. Yes I am better.

I'm joking.

I guess.

I got invited to a cool black tie event last night for the Ad Council awards. I sat with some of the senior management folks at Ogilvy--Carla H., Bill G. and others. It was so eye opening for me. These are not only real people, they are really good people. I truly like and respect them. Carla reminded me of my best friend Laurie in Chicago.

She talked about Ogilvy like a family. She comes from a family of 14! Honestly, it's so much what I want (a family) that I'm terrified of it. I rebel against it. I wonder if I put my fists down for one second if I'd actually let it sink in that I'm at a really cool place?

I dunno. If I can find a reason to hang out with the Carlas and Bills and Andys more, well yes. But.....I'm not hanging out with them now. And I'm frustrated. And, I have a big fat ego that I don't know what to do with. Carla didn't seem to really have one. And it was nice. Her presence was nice. She inspired me; if that's what leadership looks like, I'm game.

Lidl baby want kaba-bah? How cute is he, all protected from the evil eye?!

I sat right behind Madonna this weekend at shabbot service. You know what was most eye-opening for me? That there was all this paparazzi outside, but inside, not so many of us. Like a small wedding. That's kind of sad in a way -- to be so huge the world -- well, the 1% reality of the world, and have the other 99% of what matters to you not matter all that much to the rest of your circle.

I liked having Madonna there. We all respected her space, which is a little hard because the whole time you're thinking, "woah, i'm sitting right next to Madonna." But that's not why we're all there, so....you just have to work extra hard to focus.

I met Michael Berg and chatted with him briefly about Raising Malawi. He's the co-founder of the charity with Madonna. I just LOVE this man and his energy. I'm so honored to be in his/their company. My plan is to keep kicking my own ass to stretch myself so that I earn the merit to hang with them more.

My original goal

I make a birthday video every year where I evaluate my accomplishments against the previous year's goals and set new goals for the year.

I like a video format because it's more than goals. It's consciousness talking. I can see how I think, how I've grown. I can really see it when I look at my videos two or three years earlier. So, that makes me happy.

I found this clip from my 38th birthday earlier this year (1/29/68), where I first started to craft my charity goal for 2006. I like it, even though I look like hell. I like my determination. Goals don't manifest themselves without it. My driving motivation wasn't going to take me too far, though. Too much of a "fix thyself" mentality. I needed to experience the value and benefit of charity outside of myself -- envision the faces of the people I want to help. I couldn't see it then, but I see it now with Raising Malawi.

BYW, I mention in the beginning my "string broke." It's the red string we wear in kabbalah. It's infused with energy to protect you from the "Evil Eye"...from getting it or giving it. I know that sounds crazy to a lot of people, but think about it. When someone is jealous of you or gossips about you, it costs you energy just as much as when you put this energy out yourself. The red string we wear is wrapped around the tomb of Rachel the Matriarch, protector of humanity. It's her death anniversary next week, Nov 1st., so there'll be extra energy in the world that night to awaken that part of your own soul.

Anyway, here's my bday charity goal (1:19sec)

Vote November 7, 2006 Click here to see the new TV spot from the ONE Campaign. Notice everyone's white bracelets? The point is to educate yourself on what candidates are doing to help end global poverty. Matt Damon who narrates the spot said, "I don't think we can expect our leaders to lead us on this. I think we have to lead them, we have to prove to our leaders that these issues matter to us."

If you're interested, Go to ONE's Voter Center and they'll give you some quick tips on how you can find out where the candidates in your area stand on the issues.

I have to think that Hillary is going to get my vote with all that Bill is doing and her whole "it takes a village" mentality, but I'll do my homework and report back so you know how it goes. Please comment on this blog to share what you're doing to inform your vote on November 7th! This is my first year as an activist, so I don't want to miss anything.

Lucy in the Sky A year ago, I had no interest in the issue of global poverty. None. It was not on my radar. And that doesn't make me a bad person. Now it is on my radar. And I'm doing something about it. But that doesn't make me a good person, either.

I did my homework. Now, I'm a changed person.

What changed? Three things:

1. I'm informed and inspired with the knowing that we can actually end extreme poverty in our lifetime. What a concept! My game is to help end it in a village in Malawi within 5 years. It's an awesome, exciting possibility.

2. I'm bigger. A year ago on my birthday video (1/29/06) I declared that I would raise $2,000 for charity. I thought that was a lot of money for charity. I usually just donate clothes and old appliances. But I knew I could do it. In which case, is it really a goal worthy of a birthday video?

So, a couple weeks later (Valentine's Day) I created a bigger game -- one that I knew would stretch me as a leader and a person. That was to raise $25K by this Christmas. And that happened.

But you know when you're really about to pop? That feeling of all this pressure inside you that, like it or not, pushes you to your next higher potential? That's still in me. Which tells me that my big breakthrough is still to come. That takes me to my third point.

3. I've been holding back, and I can finally see it. I'll rock the boat, but I'm careful not to upset the ship. And lots of times it's painfully clear that the ship i'm on is sailing fullspeed to nowhere. I need to step it up and take the helm on my dreams. In all the playing nice I do in my life, I actually lost sight of my own energy. I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I'm a warrior and a free spirit.

It's time to fall off the wall and go all the way down the rabbit hole.

I found this clip of me and David from earlier this year. I call it, Lucy in the Skyrise with Diamonds. David and I decided to break up. No fight. No fallout. We just want to live our lives differently. I love him, and I think he loves me. Which is why this is tough. But it has to be. Because for either of us to live a compromised life, we may as well be dead. Here's to dancing your truth and dancing it harder . . .

Madonna and her children. I love this picture.

Madonna is funding a documentary about Malawian orphans, which is where she said she first spotted baby David.

She was on Oprah this week. In the interview she said, "I became transfixed by him. But I didn't yet know I was going to adopt him. I was just drawn to him."

David is a typical Malawian baby. He's one year old and has already survived malaria and tuberculosis. His two siblings didn't make it past their second birthdays. His dad is a widower. His mom died a week after David was born. All typical Malawi.

But now David actually has a chance. He had severe pneumonia when Madonna met him, but she got permission to take him to a clinic to get antibiotics.

"I was in a state of panic, because I didn't want to leave him in the orphanage because I knew they didn't have medication to take care of him," Madonna said.

She said she witnessed conditions in Malawi that were the equivalent of a "state of emergency".

"I think if everybody went there, they'd want to bring one of those children home with them and give them a better life."

Maybe. Or we can just cause a better life for the people over there.

I can barely imagine how hard it must be for David's dad. He said one thing in a CNN interview the other night that had me lose it. He said it to the camera and he said it to Madonna. He said, "my David will make a good son."

These words just ripped thru me. He would love to raise his son. He lost his entire family to entirely preventable ailments. His beloved died after childbirth. Two of his babies couldn't get medical care. He is a simple man. But he cannot afford to raise his son. I felt so much love for him in that interview because I can only imagine how painful this decision must be for him.

Do you know the story of King Solomon and the two women fighting over a baby? They couldn't agree which of them was the rightful mother, so King Solomon ordered that the baby be split in half, so each could have ownership.

One woman agreed. The other protested, "No! You take him! He is yours!"

Which was the rightful mother?

Right. King Solomon deemed the mother who was willing to part with the child rather than see it die must be the real mother, so the baby was rightfully hers. She could take him and go.

David's dad loves David enough to give him up and give him a future. By this gesture, David will be a good son to him as well, I am certain.

It really all just saddens me to the core. And still, it's beautiful.

That's Laurie, Shelly & Lee Ann.
Laurie and Lee Ann are my two best friends from high school. It was so great to see them again last week at our 20 year H.S. reunion.

Lee Ann has been working her dupa off at the post office. (Dupa is Polish for derriere, which is French for ass, which is Porno for butt.)

Lee Ann is the kewelest human being on the planet. Her tatoo on her other arm features dragons and crashing water....all the elements, actually.

She just discovered that her daughter Jasmine can do the lasagna tongue, a trait that until only recently we believed was reserved to the Silka kids (me and my brother David). She's sending a picture so you'll know what I'm talking about, assuming you've not seen the wrinkly horrors of which my own tongue is capable.

So, I tell you about Lee Ann because she just donated $100 big ones, taking the total donated to Raising Malawi to date to $25,250!

And I say big ones, because it's hard to find that kind of money when you're raising two intensely active girls and donate to a million other causes. Lee Ann gives to some great charities: Vietnam Children's fund -- she's Vietnamese, so you gotta help the people; they build schools in Nam. Also thru payroll deductions she gives to CancerCure of America, American Red Cross, Community Shares of IL (housing & healthcare for needy, building neighborhoods and working to end discrimination) and, inspired by my project, she just added the Malawi Project, Inc. to the list.

Outside of payroll deductions she gives to Susan G. Komen (breast cancer), Smile Train (cleft lip & palate) -- I think that's Jessica Simpson's charity, which is really cool and Amvets*, among others.

I first read that as Amway, which made me laugh. I thought, huh. A charity pyramid scheme. Interesting.

Anyway, thank you Lee Ann & Ron & Jaida & Jasmine for your thoughtful and generous gift. Now, Di Di Mao! which is badly-spelled Vietnamese for "get the hell out of here"!

Happy New Moon of Scorpio! The energy in the air this month is wicked *intense*. It's my friend Cephora's birth month, and if you know her, you'll have some idea what to expect. Ye-ouch! (Cephora, you know I love you darlin').

So, in the true spirit of scorpio, I have set a new Malawi goal. One that is, for me, awe-inspiringly "impossible" to achieve. And yet, at the same time, it's a dollar amount that I know for certain I will hit.

FundRaising $101,000 Malawi.

Why is it a good number? I understand 101 is the numerical value of the Angel Michael, who is the energy of Mercy...which is also the energy of this month. This is the month of Noah's flood. The floodwaters of judgment for the hellions who had it coming. Or, seen another way, the floodwaters of mercy to clear the land of evil...and yet, not kill indiscriminantly. Mercy is always available for those who will receive it.

At my accidental wedding (meaning I got married way too young) I insisted on a father-daughter dance. I chose Peter Gabriel's, "Mercy Street" as our song. I was so drunk, my poor dad had to hold me up. The wedding video is still too painful to watch. Thank God for mercy.

But where was I?

Oh, 101. It's also the numerical value for the Light energy of "giving without agenda". I like that. I mean, I certainly have an agenda to help raise a village, but I have no personal agenda for glory. That defeats the whole purpose.

I share only to make a contribution to others who are up to something in their lives goalwise. I share to bring awareness of the issue of poverty and what we can do about it. And, lastly I share to help cause a movement in my community to make a difference in the world. God as my judge, that's my agenda.

Now, acknowledgments in this new Light:

Thank you Dan Miller for your very generous contribution to Raising Malawi and for being the first $150 donation (which we'll add to the $25K) against the new $101K goal.

Dan Miller I know from a six-month leadership training course, the ILP (i forgot what "I" means (Intensive??), but I know LP stands for leadership program). This is the course where I met Cephora.

What's the numerical value of Bonnie, I wonder? Negative 10? I actually mean that as a positive, but man Bonnie was impossible. She was also in our group and I remember a lot of Bonnie energy. She went to med school I'm pretty sure. Columbia?

We were all blocked in different ways. Me? I was the ice queen. Bonnie? She would swing on a dime....just couldn't see her vision through on her own. Dan? I don't remember his struggle. Maybe because he was so good at helping all of us. I recall him giving Bonnie some good coaching in a car ride home from Philadelphia after a weekend-long bootcamp. I tried and tried with her. Then Dan stepped in and connected. He was great. Lucid. Bonnie got it, and that's saying a lot.

Dan is also an IT expert. We recently reconnected for a research project I was leading for IBM. He just CRANKED on it. (I wasn't supposed to tell you IBM was my client, but since you're done with the study, I suppose there's no harm in your knowing.)

Dan, your insights are gold, my friend! You make the hard to understand easy. You will go very very far. Best wishes in your new endeavor and, of course, thank you so much for your oh-so-generous donation to Raising Malawi. Like I always tell you, you SO ROCK!

HAPPY DREAMS FULFILLED! 2006 GAME WON!

Not game over. Game won. We won the first game of the season...(Season of Giving)

I really do take this very seriously. This is just a checkpoint to say, good for us. We hit our goal -- or my goal, whatever -- to raise $25,000 by 12/25/06. I hope I inspired others to join me on this journey. So let's keep going...and let's see how our money gets put to use to actually flip this village in Gumulira.

I'm going to visit early next year and make a video report on the progress of the orphan care center and what's happening with the sustainable village program.

Many heart-felt thanks to each and every one of you, for each and every dollar you gave to make it possible to RAISE MALAWI.

The last donation came from David Duncan, who was inspired to get back on the ice (after a generous donation some months ago) and swing hard -- $1,390 hard -- to hit the puck in the net.

Thank you, D! (Go Leafs, Go!)

Keep the donations coming. I am wondering if we can hit $100,000 by 12/25/2007....... Let me dream on that one. It's really cool to imagine.

I'm crazy excited! In the past two days, two old friends reached out from the shadows to mail checks for Raising Malawi, giving the total donations a $550 push!

Joe Cummings, whose birthday happens to be Monday (10/23) -- my favorite month, number and hence, day of the year -- wrote me that he thought he was going to be fined for submitting his condo assesment late. But that didn't happen, so .... he's putting this money to better use in Africa versus the gas tank of his management company board president's Cadillac Escalade.

I met Joe, what like six, seven years ago on a group trip to Italy. Our first group dinner together, I remember trying to push a shrimp out of its tail, inadvertantly shooting it across the table to land in Joe's lap. He was very decent about it. And returned it to me without saying anything. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. I was so embarrassed, but I knew immediately we were meant to be friends.

Anyway, thank you, Joe! I opened your letter in the elevator last night and kissed your check when I got it!

And then there's Spiro, who asked for no acknowledgment, but I can't help myself. I just had my 20 year high school reunion last week and was super bummed not to see Spiro there. Everyone let him off the hook because he's a dad to five Greek children and had to babysit.

I love the Greeks! And I always loved Spiro. We had a lot of the same classes together. He liked school and was good at it. I hated school. Despised it. I ditched a lot with my friend Bob Townsend. We'd usually leave around noon to go to his house to watch the Munsters and drink vodka. I just couldn't take it seriously. And I was starting to fail. I was overwhelmed. I had no real idea how I would afford college, but I knew I needed to go. So, my priority became working at K-mart for $5 an hour. And babysitting for $2 per hour to save up.

Spiro was kind to me. He told me my focus seemed off. For one, he couldn't understand why I listened to all that "heavy metal" stuff. I tried to explain that Pink Floyd isn't exactly metal, but he didn't get it. He was so straight and narrow.

Then he gave me some advice that shifted the entire context of my world. He said, work matters a lot to you right? "Yes!" I said, "of course it does. They pay me! I have responsibilities. I have to take it seriously!"

And then he said to me, "Well, if college matters to you and if getting a really good job someday matters to you, then you have to treat school like a job."

I don't even know if he would remember telling me that, but it changed everything for me. It really focused me. And I took on that advice in college - I became the CEO of my career...which started with my education.

And I went to college (dropped out 3 times to try to pay for it!) Then I went to grad school. And I was off....

Thank you, Spiro for your many contributions. May all good things return to you and your family.

Sweet Home Chicago








Today, I had a breakthrough in consciousness. I wake up every day thinking, what can I do to help Raise Malawi? I've been busy with ideas (several I'll be sharing soon!) but I haven't gone deep into my own wallet. It was time.

Not to just give. But to give with the consciousness of making a difference in the world. Tonight, I am so humbled and priviledged to share that I was the channel for a $15,000 donation to Raising Malawi!

My likeminded new friend and teacher Yehuda guided me in the achieving the right consciousness. So, we got out a cauldron and boiled a dragon's eyelash and the balls of a righteous man.

Actually, we didn't do that cuz it's SO hard to find a righteous man in this city. But we did do an exercise of introspection to make certain that the gift was genuine and powerful and sourced from a higher place. Otherwise, its power/energy/ Light-in-the-world to make a difference would be limited.

I had forgotten till today that this money had actually manifested itself in Chicago earlier this year.

These pix are of my home at 2300 West Wabansia in Chicago. Hi old friend. I bought you in the 90s when there were drug needles on the ground and hookers working the key corners of my street. But, had Bucktown already regentrified? Was I buying too late and paying too much? Dare I say, not! You were too cool, my little loft condo. My little natural-wood, high-beamed giving tree.

And, you doubled my money. I thank you!

I sold you on April 3rd of this year because it was time. I needed to call my energy back from Chi-town. I'm a New Yorker now. You put me into bidding wars in only 3 days. And I sold you to a nice Polish-named guy cuz you gotta help the people.

So, why do I sing your praise? Because you earned me the top of the market. You definitely worked overtime for that extra little $15,000 kick.

Tonight, I give just some of that ceiling-high appreciation to the babies of Malawi. I make today's donation with the intention of unlocking the gates that have been seemingly jammed the past several weeks.

And, just a few hours ago I got a note from an old friend who offered a very generous donation and charitable matching from work. I can't wait to blog about it! The skies have cleared. I will share more about that donation (and hopefully others) once the pledge is made.

I am so happy to be part of this great movement.

CLICK HERE to watch a video of the progress we're making on the Raising Malawi project. It's 12 minutes long, so make yourself some popcorn.

I'm going sometime between January and March of 2007 and hope to post my own video report then.

If you can DONATE, now is the time!

THE SECOND BITE WILL KILL YOU. Since the time of Creation, a different energy is revealed each week. This energy gives us information, knowledge, and support to tap into so that we can grow and change. The energy of this week 10/15-10/21 begins with the story of Adam and Eve.

If you know the story, the key thing to understand is that it was the second bite, not the first, that's the source of original sin.

In a biblical nutshell:

The Garden of Eden exists in "Tree of Life" reality. The real reality. No chaos. No suffering. No pain. A hedonist's dream. Also in Eden, there's the "Tree of Knowledge" -- good/bad, right/wrong 1% reality. God says, enjoy Eden. Eat, drink, be merry. But don't eat from that one tree over there or you will surely die.

Die, meaning face the consequences: be banished from Tree of Life reality. Fall to Tree of Knowledge reality (judgement, pain, chaos) and have to earn your way back.

Eve is a good girl. She doesn't even want to touch the Tree of Knowledge -- in fact, she even tells the snake that -- because she doesn't want to be that close to temptation. But, the snake is snakey. He chats her up. Gets her to reconsider. She touches the Tree, and does not die. See! he says, and further seduces her to take a bite of an apple from the Tree. The snake told her that it contained all the Light of the Creator, and naturally, the Creator would want her to enjoy the Light.

She knew that it was a tool to connect Adam to a fuller experience of the Lightforce of the Creator. So she tried it. And then Adam took that infamous bite for the same reason. Their desires were pure.

But then they realized "hey, this really is powerful stuff." He went in for a second bite. He tasted the Light, and he wanted more. Nothing wrong with that.

But the distinction was his motivation changed. Whereas the first bite was taken with the intention of sharing a deeper connection with his Creator, the second bite was for the self alone.

All desires originate as a pure intent to experience the Lightforce of the Creator....and then, well, we just start to focus on the getting the Apple.

That's what's been happening to me. Last week I met with my career coach and we came to that distinction. (without all the adam and eve stuff. that's my kabbalah talking).

In this week's Consciousness Tune-up from Yehuda Berg (kabbalah), he says we -- especially folks like me with a goal who are not seeing it manifested -- need to ask ourselves,"What is fueling my desire, selflessness or selfishness?"

Obviously, my consciousness has been blocked for a bit, which is why we have capped out around $8K for Fundraising Malawi.

I am going to distinguish this week where I have been selfish with my sharing, my money, my time, my energy. All of it.

I am certain that we will raise $25K for the children of Malawi by 12/25/06.

Godspeed.

Let's shop to stop AIDS! Product (RED) just launched in America, opening a new front in the war against AIDS.

Bono was on Oprah yesterday to launch his red campaign. P.S. -- In case you don't know this, Oprah and I share a birthday, January 29th. We're aquarians, and this, my dear fellow Americans is the age of Aquarius. This is the time we can show the world why we have amassed all this wealth and power. We can change the world.

5,500 Africans die every day of AIDS, a preventable, treatable disease. That's two twin towers per day; or one tsunami per month. A lot of people.

But it costs money to prevent death from AIDS. It costs 40 cents a day to take 2 pills to stay alive. Do you know why Americans are no longer dying like we were in the 80s? AIDS didn't go away. We got medication for it AND we can afford 40 cents per day to stay alive.

The extreme poor can't afford it. Although, Bill Clinton is certainly doing his part to change that. But many need money. Let's please give up half a donut a day to help keep these people stay alive. This is an emergency!

Enter Product (RED). Red is a new idea Bono and Bobby Shriver are launching to work alongside the growing ONE Campaign to Make Poverty History.

Bono explains:

"Where ONE takes on the bigger, longer-term beast of changing policy and influencing government, (RED) is, I guess, about a more instant kind of gratification. If you buy a (RED) product from GAP, Motorola, Armani, Converse or Apple, they will give up to 50% of their profit to buy AIDS drugs for mothers and children in Africa. (RED) is the consumer battalion gathering in the shopping malls. You buy the jeans, phones, iPods, shoes, sunglasses, and someone - somebody's mother, father, daughter or son - will live instead of dying in the poorest part of the world. It’s a different kind of fashion statement.

You might think (RED) sounds too simple. But AIDS is no longer a death sentence. Just two pills a day will bring someone who is at death's door back to full health, back to a full life. Doctors call it 'the Lazarus effect'. I’ve seen it myself and I have to say that it’s nothing short of a miracle. These pills are available at any corner drugstore. They cost less than a dollar a day, but the poorest people in Africa earn less than a dollar a day. They can’t afford them, and so they die. It's unnecessary. It's insane.

You might think it’s too difficult to get these drugs to the people who most need them. A couple of years ago when DATA (Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa) lobbied President Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac to do more on AIDS we went to experts about this. From Bill and Melinda Gates, to Dr Paul Farmer working in the poorest places on the earth, to Dr Coutinho in his AIDS clinic in Uganda. Is it easy? No. Is it impossible? No. Can we do it? Absolutely. In 2001, there were 50,000 Africans taking ARVs. Now there are over one million people getting these life saving drugs thanks to President Bush's AIDS initiative, and thanks to the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, TB and Malaria.

There are though still 4.3 million Africans without drugs, which is why 100% of (RED) money is going directly to the Global Fund to support the work they are doing. (RED) uses the power in your pocket to keep people alive. ONE uses the power of your voice to create a more just world where people can earn their own way out of poverty. This means tackling more than AIDS. It means fighting corruption. Insisting on good governance. Getting kids in school. Changing trade rules. Getting businesses to invest in Africa. Myself and Ali started a company called Edun – a fashion line that makes clothes in Africa – because so many Africans we met said what they wanted more than anything was a job.

All of this is ganging up on the same problem – the greatest health crisis in human history and the extreme poverty in which it thrives. The Number 1 question we get asked is, what can I do to help? From today, you can do one more thing than you could do yesterday. Shop (RED). And if you haven’t already, join the One campaign at one.org.

As I said, this is an emergency. And in these dangerous times, how we in the West respond is an opportunity to show what we stand for, as well as what we stand against. If we're successful, we will not only transform millions of people's lives, we'll transform the way these people see us ... and in turn, the world in which we live."

This is Julia again. Bono is a real patriot. Not everyone understands what that means. Not Americans. Not Canadians, for fecking sure. But Bono does. Right now I'm watching him on Larry King. He said this: America is not just a country. It's an idea. And that idea is bound up in a quality. It's in our declaration. Men faced treason to pledge their lives, fortunes and sacred honor for the idea of equality. Bono just said it, and I agree: I am offended when i hear that people don't like America.

I, Julia Silka, will never apologize for being American. Because I am a true patriot. I love this country and the ideal of equality for all. I will never as long as I live lose that....

If I do anything in my life, I hope to inspire others to rise up and BE AMERICAN, the ideal which we were born and destined to be. America does not mean Republican. USA does not mean Republican. But it could. It's your choice. This is, afterall, America.

God Bless America. God Bless the World.

Madonna is in Malawi. The press on her visit is cryptic. She's alleged to be adopting a boy. Or not. Andrina Mchiela, secretary to the minister for gender and child welfare, said Madonna planned to adopt a Malawian child during her visit. Maybe wishful thinking on their part? Madonna's rep says she has no knowledge of any such thing.

This past August, I read that she was planning a trip to Malawi in October and Jeffrey Sachs (economic advisor to Kofi Annan and the UN) would accompany her. We know she's funding the building of the orphanage there. I imagine she's interested in checking that out. I would imagine Sachs would also like to know how that is going. I've seen pictures of its progress. It's honestly remarkable! You've got to remember, these kids don't have electricity or clean water or food. The orphanage will provide that for them. It should be complete early next year.

And then we need to provide funding to run it.

Why can't we believe that people are generous and want to make a difference in the world? Why does it always have to be about something else? Isn't raising $3M and working to help an impoverished village enough? If Madonna is adopting, great. So many kids living in Malawi will otherwise die before they hit five years old. That is, until we get in there and help. And Madonna is in there helping. Good deal. That's kabbalah. It's all about sharing.

Quite personally, I feel badly for Madonna when the press talks about Kabbalah as a religious cult, one because it's not (what are you supposed to believe? it doesn't make sense) and two, and probably the bigger point here, it makes me look bad! I'm not that much of a goodie two-shoes. I have my pride.

So, once again, here's the deal:

Malawi is among the poorest countries in the world, trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of hunger and disease. Just over 14 percent of the 12 million population is infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, and an estimated 1 million children have been orphaned.

The Raising Malawi project aims to set up an orphan care center to provide food, education and shelter for up to 4,000 children. It will have projects based on Kabbalah. Projects. Teach-a-man-to-fish-type projects for sustainable growth.

Any kabbalistic teachings are about Light consciousness. Light, as in the Creator, yes. Light consciousness is simply the opposite of victim consciousness. It means that for every cause, an effect. So, step it up and be the cause of your life. No matter what. And, if the odds are truly stacked up against you, well...with enough Light consciousness in the world, others will come to your aid. Because, the goal of Light consciousness is to become beings of sharing not from the illusion of "me" being separate from "you", but with a knowing that, at the source, our souls are all connected.

That's it. That's the spiritual mumbo jumbo. The only reason human beings argue with that consciousness is fear and ignorance. It's exhausting.

Although, I gotta say, why Madonna would choose to wear a white shirt knowing that she'd be crawling around a sub-Sarharan African dirt floor is beyond me. Now that's nuts!

Happy Halloween! I present a very frightening, and yet oddly inspiring pumpkin. David carved it for me. The left eye is a "2". The right eye a "5". His nose is a K. And Malawi are his jagged, scary teeth.

I just love October. It's my favorite month of the 12. My whole life, nothing but good things happen to me in October. Tonight is Yom Kippur -- Day of Atonement. This is my second year fasting. The idea is to practice restriction in the physical and spiritual forms (no food, water, sex, and basic comforts for 25 hours) and you realize greater gifts for the coming year. I went to Chicago 10 days ago for Rosh Hashana, the new year. And today's energy is even more powerful. Energetically, it's the most powerful day of the year.

I'm studying 10 Luminous Emanations at the Kabbalah Center. The teaching is that everything....Everything is already there. Like for example, let's say you're shopping for furniture. To raise your consciousness to connect with this idea, you don't actually have to look for the perfect furniture. Instead, shop for the furniture that is already in your house. It's a profound concept.

So, my Malawi pumpkin is not a goal. It's an unseen reality. I have already raised $25K. I just don't realize it. I'll admit it's more profound than my brain will accept.

The idea is that everything is already there, but the reason you don't experience it now is because of "bread of shame". (Didn't earn it). So, to earn it, there must be a "lack"...a lack gives you the ability to appreciate what you get. Our job then on the physical plane is to learn to appreciate every little thing so you can truly appreciate all of the Light (God).

So, back to Yom Kippur. I'm not Jewish, but I want to at least share what I'm learning about the energy of this day from my Kabbalah studies. Where to start? Lessee....there are 10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur where our job is to invest the time, energy, thoughts into what else we need to cleanse; remember, we did the heavy lifting last month in Virgo.

You've got to deal with the mud -- life's difficulties. The day you don't notice your mud is the day it's all over you. If you don't get involved with it, there will be no revelation for you. It's as simple as that. Lean into what's not comfortable. And do it with the intention of becoming a being a sharing.

By our actions in each of these days, we correct a day in the week all year round.

What is the level of correction? -- It has to do with how much we are busy with self alone versus sharing.

Yom Kippur is about letting go of everything! And, it's my interpretation that if you can't do it, you WILL be helped.

And what's the thing we fight to hang on to? The desire to receive for self alone. It's the hardest thing to let go, which is why it's the hardest epiphany to get.

I began my fast just before sundown. That was about 4 hours ago. I am hungry already.

I was fasting with a focus on my goal, Raising 25K for Malawi. As I write this, I think that's a rather weak consciousness. I therefore will sharpen my focus. I am fasting for children in Malawi. I am fasting so they may eat and drink clean water. I am fasting so that their crops may grow.

I dedicate my effort to healthy, happy children. The world's and my own.

I just hope I don't lose sight of that. It's so easy to forget and make it all about me. Let the pumpkin glow.

And thank you David for rocking it!

Go Saints!

And thank you Jessie Quiroz for pushing our total raised to date to $8,060!

Jessie and I worked together for a short time at Grey in planning. Jessie is an old soul. Wise. Like an organic sponge chilling out at the bottom of the ocean.

If you scuba dive, think about being 20 feet deep and hovering in a few light cross currents. The sea grass rides the waves gently back and forth...a mighty stingray swims by, an eel pokes his head out from a rocky cave....Anything can happen. But only in the context of love and peace and beauty.

The grass will eventually get eaten. The eel will eventually die. The stingray may participate in some freakish accident, perhaps even stab a crocodile hunter in the heart with its spiny barb. But a sponge lives on, seeing generation after generation of peace and love in the sea. And even when it encounters acts of aquatic terror, the sponge remains unchanged. Steady. Wise.

That's my Jessie. I love her. She's a Libra.

And, I want thank and acknowledge her for being so generous with her gambling winnings. She tells me she "tied for second in the football pool this week (GO SAINTS!) and won $22! So I'm doubling-ish it and throwing in $50. If the football luck continues, who knows what could happen?"

How sweet is that?! She also provided me the Wikipedia definition of traits of a Libra. Interesting. Here's what Kabbalah has to say about Libras --

Assets of the Libran:
Stylish, good taste, sociable, easy to love, great listeners, supportive friends, spiritual, able to discern the truth.

Main motivation:

Seeks justice

Challenges (and how to transform them):

Difficulty Pulling the Trigger
Librans are known for their capacity of seeing and understanding both sides of the picture. Their downfall is they can never decide; both sides make complete sense to them. Solution: Trust your gut and don’t obsess over past decisions.

Emotionally Blocked
Librans have a tendency to cover up their feelings. This trait will sometimes lead them to unfaithfulness because an unhappy Libra will look for happiness somewhere else. Solution: Express your feelings with your words, either spoken or written.

Can’t Hear Criticism
Librans tend to beat themselves up a lot, so when it comes time for hearing criticism, their heads are already full. Solution: Go easy on yourself. Good criticism will help you grow.

Flirty and Frivolous
When it comes to matters of the heart, Librans are ruled by the planet of Venus. On the surface, they’re all about romance and hedonism, but on the inside their hearts are guarded. Solution: Love is all about sharing – sharing your feelings, your fears, your hopes and dreams. Open your heart wide and let someone in.

How to improve relationships with a Libran:

Be gentle. When giving them criticism, preface it with praise.

Encourage them to collaborate. They work much better in partnerships than on their own.

Help them decide. Once they have decided, nothing can stop them.

Delicately encourage them to finish what they start.

Wow! $310 just blew into Malawi from out of the sky! We just entered the kabbalistic new moon of Libra (air sign), so I guess I should've expected this, but all the same it lifts my spirit and gives me great joy.

I guess you can say I planted the seed for this latest contribution a year or so ago when I took a chance on a freelance planner who did not have a lot of freelance planning experience. He reminded me somehow of myself -- very focused on realizing big dreams. I saw it in his eyes, and that's all I really needed to know he was capable of doing great work. He came on board for a few months, worked his butt off and made a great contribution to our team. I wish we had a role for him longterm, but we didn't.

That's all I did for Ed Kishinevsky. He reached out to say hello recently. I shared with him this effort. He donated AND chatted it up to some of his friends. Who are now my friends. For getting behind this great cause, I thank:


Steve & Patti Whitter, Laura Bunting, Matt Grosse, Kristen Le and Paul Levine (and of course the EK connection).

Our total donated to date is now $8,010.

Come on Libra wind! Blow the house down!!

Nice! The last donation pushed the total raised to date to $7,700

Thank you Ed Kishinevsky!

So I did it. I did it with a lot of noise in my head. Not good enough. Not fast enough. Too arrogant. Not trained. It was a personal worst. And I felt really bad about it. I got stress fractures in both feet. I couldn't walk without excruciating pain for two weeks.

But I did it. And today I am better. And I want to acknowledge a few of the contributions that have come in post-race, dialing up the total raised thus far to $7,670

For this last boost, I thank: Bob Tse, Wendy and Nishant Upadhyay, Jyoti Talwar, Cephora Grundman and my mom, Leona Jane Silka.

Keep it coming! :) It's not too late to donate. I've got like, 17,000 and then some dollars still to raise.

From left to right, that's Fred, Sophie, Joan and June. They were instructors in my leadership training at Landmark. Joan is my mentor and inspiration, even though I really disagree with that turtleneck she is wearing.

She used to call me one of the "Animal Girls". I believe I was head animal for registering so many people into this course. As a part of this training, I am actually aligned with the possibilty of transformation of life itself by the year 2020.

Joan is my hero. Joan used to tell us all the time, "the planet is burning!" In other words, Do the work. Deal with your junk. Get a bigger life and share your bigger life with others who could use one. And do it now. There is no tomorrow. Now is the only thing that is real. Get moving!

Joan once shared with a group of us that she created the possibility of being "Used Up and Loving It" as a way of Being in her life.

I love it. I am sooooo tired right now. I am used up and ready for bed....and yet, I have so so much still to do. I don't know how I'll meet my deadlines.

And that's my lie. Woe is me that I got super busy out of the blue. Sometimes, you just have to do the work. When I was in school, I would bury my face in bowls of ice and drink coffee and eat peanut m&ms and pull all-nighters as a regular practice to cram for exams after putting in a full day of work.

And now, I don't know how to meet my deadlines tomorrow?!

How about by being "used up and loving it" just like Joan.

You get what your heart desires. If you really desire it, you do whatever it takes to make it so.

I very much desire being someone as powerful as Joan (or Sophie). The night has only just begun. Quit the crying already, Silka! Break's over.