I'm revising my New Year's Resolutions with the help of my favorite little Americans: Luke (7), Matthew (6), Jacob (3) and Lauren (22mos.) They all have Cherokee in their blood from their mom, my sister-in-law Nancy. So, they're as American as it gets.

I've been thinking about my resolutions. They're too fixed on denying me. Depriving me. Disciplining me even more. I really do think that's all important, but I want a new focus for the year. This year is not about "improving" my health. Eating only good foods. Doing only good things. Yuck. I blew it before the rooster crowed even once.

It's gotta be about a healthier outlook; finding a way to connect with the whole. I think the only way to get it is to stop chugging along unconsciously. And stopping cold turkey. Putting down the wine and spitting out the cheese to take a moment to reflect. Take a look at where I am and how I got here. And then with that, do more work to expand my soul -- a soul with the mighty good fortune of being born American -- and expand our collective soul in the process.

I love this country. I hate this country's politics right now...but....I love America. We have it all. We worked hard and we earned it. Well, we worked hard to take it from the Indians and of course much later the slaves helped us out a good deal, but let's just put those little details aside for now so I can make my point.

I'm borrowing from Jeffrey Sachs, now. His point is that 200 years ago, the idea that we could potentially achieve the end of extreme poverty was unimaginable. Everyone was poor with the exception of a very small minority of rulers and large land owners. Life sucked just as much in Europe as it did in India and China.

Before the 1800s and the period of modern economic growth, there had been virtually no sustained economic growth in the world, and only gradual increases in the human population. As of 1820, the gap between the rich and poor -- specifically, between the world's leading economy (the UK) and the poorest region (Africa), was a ratio of 4:1. Some quick math:

1820 -- UK 4:1 Africa

Today, the US is the richest economy; Africa is still poorest. The gap is:

1998 -- US 20: 1 Africa

Big gap. So obviously some parts of the world achieved modern economic growth while others did not. (Lazy Africans, right?) Well, no. Not right.

What changed was the onset of the Industrial Revolution, supported by a rise in agricultural productivity in northwestern Europe. Better management of soil nutrients via improved crop rotations and viola, we literally reap the harvest.
And then, of course, there's the steam engine. We mobilized a vast store of primary energy. Modern energy fueled every aspect of the economic takeoff.

Food production soared as fossil fuel energy was used to produce chemical fertilizers; industrial production skyrocketed as vast inputs of fossil fuel energy created equally vast powerhouses of steel, transport equipment, chemicals and pharmaceuticals, textile and apparels, and every other modern manufacturing sector. By the early twentieth century, the service industries (incl. modern information and communications technologies) were powered by electrification, itself a breakthrough of the fossil-fuel age.

And it goes on. Coal fueled industry. Industry fueled political power...creating huge military and financial advantages that allowed the British to expand its control over one sixth of humanity at the peak of the empire during the Victorian Era.

Why Britain first? Why not China or other centers of power?

-British society was relatively open; more scope for individual initiative
-Fixed social orders, serfdom was still the rule through much of Europe
-Rigid social hierarchies, like India's caste systems were common in other parts of the world
-British parliament and tradition of free speech and open debate were powerful contributors to the uptake of new ideas.
-Britain became one of the leading centers of Europe's scientific revolution -- a big deal, because for centuries before, Europe imported scientific ideas from Asia.
-Britain's political openness allowed for scientific thinking to thrive. Modern physics emerged out of that -- Copernicus, Brahe, Kepler and Galileo. Then, in 1687, Newton wrote a rather important book called, Principia Mathematica.
-And now there's an innovation gap, where rich countries exponentially benefit from further innovation and the poorest of the poor don't even have a foothold on growth.
None of this makes us bad or greedy people. It's just how the cards played out. And no card game is ever totally on the up-and-up. What's a little meddling to affect politics? And Lord knows we meddle. But who's even looking, especially when it comes to Africa? (I would need to devote a whole new blog for the mideast). Come on. Does it really matter when the deck is stacked in your favor?

I'm grateful that my country is not landlocked. I am grateful that we have access to education and medicine and don't have to continue to die from AIDs. Or tuberculosis. I'm grateful that malaria isn't an issue here. Heck, when I was in Malawi I met a 28-year old guy who looked more like 45, who buried his 3 year-old niece that day because she died of malaria three days prior.

You could tell he was grieving, but he wouldn't let it show. He told me it is a fact of life, and it was time for the baby to cross over. That's what he told me. And my heart just breaks. Because I know it does not have to be that way. So, I look at Princess Lauren here, and I can't even begin to imagine the grief and sadness he must be feeling inside to have just lost his niece. And then I quickly thank God my family and I pulled the long straw.

And sometimes, I just go in circles because I don't feel big enough to know what the heck I can do to make a difference.

I have some ideas for the next fundraiser, but I'm getting scared. I have to raise this money. I said I would. These kids are counting on me to help. I don't even know what I am going to do. I'm taking an improv class now to come up with a one-woman show. It's an 8 week course and the show is 8 minutes of a solo stand-up routine.

It costs $5 at the door. What if I invited 20 people and rather than asking for $5 I asked each for $3,750? That would be so great. Then I wouldn't have to stress anymore about how I am going to raise this next $75K.

But I have to stress about it. How could I not?