Gandhi and the Alcoholic

This is one of those Daily Kabbalah Tune-ups from Yehuda Berg. It doesn't sound real; more of a parable with a lesson. I post it because I am living it. It goes like this:

There once was a woman whose young son was diabetic, and not only was her son a fan of sugar, but he was also a fan of Gandhi. The mother decided to seek out Gandhi's wisdom. She and her son rode a train for three days to seek the advice of the renowned spiritual leader.

When they arrived at his home, they waited on line for hours until they were finally invited to speak with him. Once the mother explained the story, Gandhi replied, "please come back in 30 days." Rather than travel back and forth, the woman and her son found temporary housing, and she took a job as a dishwasher at a local restaurant.

After 30 days, they returned to Gandhi, seeking his advice yet again. This time Gandhi stood up, held the boy by his shoulders, and said, "My son, you must stop eating sugar." The mother was enraged. "With all due respect, we traveled a great distance to seek your counsel, and this is all you have to tell us?" To which Gandhi replied, "Madam, I could not ask your son to do something that I myself could not do. Only yesterday was I able to completely cut sugar out of my diet."

Today's lesson is plain to see - we cannot expect others to do things we aren't able to do ourselves!

And so here I am. Sober as the sun is bright for the past 25 days, going on 26, feeling like it's been 100. I'm restricting for 90 days because I caught myself giving the lecture (a lot) without living the lesson. It's been totally doable, but I have felt:

1) socially pressured
2) socially odd like a self-righteous prick, party-pooper, loser
3) like I'm missing out
4) like i'm depriving myself of something for no reason
5) cravings that gnaw at me at night, on weekends and when traveling
6) can't loosen up and really enjoy the party with everyone else
7) can't see any benefits. haven't even lost a pound and don't know why
8) cheating myself of finer pleasures; food and chocolate is most certainly less enjoyable
9) a little surprised and annoyed that everyone needs to know my reason for not drinking and noticing that I've subconsciously made a whole list of acceptable answers - including "need to lose weight", "I have a headache", "I'm hungover", "I'm pregnant", etc.....but am very careful not to come out with anything to suggest "I have a problem" or "I am an alcoholic" or worse, "I don't drink" because that last one would cut something very major out of my life that I really don't want to cut out
10) looking forward for 90 days to end so i can go back to drinking

What would Gandhi do now?

I guess, if I were Gandhi, I would meet my commitment to 90 days and then look for better ways to heal myself.

So that's what I'll do.