My original goal

I make a birthday video every year where I evaluate my accomplishments against the previous year's goals and set new goals for the year.

I like a video format because it's more than goals. It's consciousness talking. I can see how I think, how I've grown. I can really see it when I look at my videos two or three years earlier. So, that makes me happy.

I found this clip from my 38th birthday earlier this year (1/29/68), where I first started to craft my charity goal for 2006. I like it, even though I look like hell. I like my determination. Goals don't manifest themselves without it. My driving motivation wasn't going to take me too far, though. Too much of a "fix thyself" mentality. I needed to experience the value and benefit of charity outside of myself -- envision the faces of the people I want to help. I couldn't see it then, but I see it now with Raising Malawi.

BYW, I mention in the beginning my "string broke." It's the red string we wear in kabbalah. It's infused with energy to protect you from the "Evil Eye"...from getting it or giving it. I know that sounds crazy to a lot of people, but think about it. When someone is jealous of you or gossips about you, it costs you energy just as much as when you put this energy out yourself. The red string we wear is wrapped around the tomb of Rachel the Matriarch, protector of humanity. It's her death anniversary next week, Nov 1st., so there'll be extra energy in the world that night to awaken that part of your own soul.

Anyway, here's my bday charity goal (1:19sec)

Vote November 7, 2006 Click here to see the new TV spot from the ONE Campaign. Notice everyone's white bracelets? The point is to educate yourself on what candidates are doing to help end global poverty. Matt Damon who narrates the spot said, "I don't think we can expect our leaders to lead us on this. I think we have to lead them, we have to prove to our leaders that these issues matter to us."

If you're interested, Go to ONE's Voter Center and they'll give you some quick tips on how you can find out where the candidates in your area stand on the issues.

I have to think that Hillary is going to get my vote with all that Bill is doing and her whole "it takes a village" mentality, but I'll do my homework and report back so you know how it goes. Please comment on this blog to share what you're doing to inform your vote on November 7th! This is my first year as an activist, so I don't want to miss anything.

Lucy in the Sky A year ago, I had no interest in the issue of global poverty. None. It was not on my radar. And that doesn't make me a bad person. Now it is on my radar. And I'm doing something about it. But that doesn't make me a good person, either.

I did my homework. Now, I'm a changed person.

What changed? Three things:

1. I'm informed and inspired with the knowing that we can actually end extreme poverty in our lifetime. What a concept! My game is to help end it in a village in Malawi within 5 years. It's an awesome, exciting possibility.

2. I'm bigger. A year ago on my birthday video (1/29/06) I declared that I would raise $2,000 for charity. I thought that was a lot of money for charity. I usually just donate clothes and old appliances. But I knew I could do it. In which case, is it really a goal worthy of a birthday video?

So, a couple weeks later (Valentine's Day) I created a bigger game -- one that I knew would stretch me as a leader and a person. That was to raise $25K by this Christmas. And that happened.

But you know when you're really about to pop? That feeling of all this pressure inside you that, like it or not, pushes you to your next higher potential? That's still in me. Which tells me that my big breakthrough is still to come. That takes me to my third point.

3. I've been holding back, and I can finally see it. I'll rock the boat, but I'm careful not to upset the ship. And lots of times it's painfully clear that the ship i'm on is sailing fullspeed to nowhere. I need to step it up and take the helm on my dreams. In all the playing nice I do in my life, I actually lost sight of my own energy. I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I'm a warrior and a free spirit.

It's time to fall off the wall and go all the way down the rabbit hole.

I found this clip of me and David from earlier this year. I call it, Lucy in the Skyrise with Diamonds. David and I decided to break up. No fight. No fallout. We just want to live our lives differently. I love him, and I think he loves me. Which is why this is tough. But it has to be. Because for either of us to live a compromised life, we may as well be dead. Here's to dancing your truth and dancing it harder . . .

Madonna and her children. I love this picture.

Madonna is funding a documentary about Malawian orphans, which is where she said she first spotted baby David.

She was on Oprah this week. In the interview she said, "I became transfixed by him. But I didn't yet know I was going to adopt him. I was just drawn to him."

David is a typical Malawian baby. He's one year old and has already survived malaria and tuberculosis. His two siblings didn't make it past their second birthdays. His dad is a widower. His mom died a week after David was born. All typical Malawi.

But now David actually has a chance. He had severe pneumonia when Madonna met him, but she got permission to take him to a clinic to get antibiotics.

"I was in a state of panic, because I didn't want to leave him in the orphanage because I knew they didn't have medication to take care of him," Madonna said.

She said she witnessed conditions in Malawi that were the equivalent of a "state of emergency".

"I think if everybody went there, they'd want to bring one of those children home with them and give them a better life."

Maybe. Or we can just cause a better life for the people over there.

I can barely imagine how hard it must be for David's dad. He said one thing in a CNN interview the other night that had me lose it. He said it to the camera and he said it to Madonna. He said, "my David will make a good son."

These words just ripped thru me. He would love to raise his son. He lost his entire family to entirely preventable ailments. His beloved died after childbirth. Two of his babies couldn't get medical care. He is a simple man. But he cannot afford to raise his son. I felt so much love for him in that interview because I can only imagine how painful this decision must be for him.

Do you know the story of King Solomon and the two women fighting over a baby? They couldn't agree which of them was the rightful mother, so King Solomon ordered that the baby be split in half, so each could have ownership.

One woman agreed. The other protested, "No! You take him! He is yours!"

Which was the rightful mother?

Right. King Solomon deemed the mother who was willing to part with the child rather than see it die must be the real mother, so the baby was rightfully hers. She could take him and go.

David's dad loves David enough to give him up and give him a future. By this gesture, David will be a good son to him as well, I am certain.

It really all just saddens me to the core. And still, it's beautiful.

That's Laurie, Shelly & Lee Ann.
Laurie and Lee Ann are my two best friends from high school. It was so great to see them again last week at our 20 year H.S. reunion.

Lee Ann has been working her dupa off at the post office. (Dupa is Polish for derriere, which is French for ass, which is Porno for butt.)

Lee Ann is the kewelest human being on the planet. Her tatoo on her other arm features dragons and crashing water....all the elements, actually.

She just discovered that her daughter Jasmine can do the lasagna tongue, a trait that until only recently we believed was reserved to the Silka kids (me and my brother David). She's sending a picture so you'll know what I'm talking about, assuming you've not seen the wrinkly horrors of which my own tongue is capable.

So, I tell you about Lee Ann because she just donated $100 big ones, taking the total donated to Raising Malawi to date to $25,250!

And I say big ones, because it's hard to find that kind of money when you're raising two intensely active girls and donate to a million other causes. Lee Ann gives to some great charities: Vietnam Children's fund -- she's Vietnamese, so you gotta help the people; they build schools in Nam. Also thru payroll deductions she gives to CancerCure of America, American Red Cross, Community Shares of IL (housing & healthcare for needy, building neighborhoods and working to end discrimination) and, inspired by my project, she just added the Malawi Project, Inc. to the list.

Outside of payroll deductions she gives to Susan G. Komen (breast cancer), Smile Train (cleft lip & palate) -- I think that's Jessica Simpson's charity, which is really cool and Amvets*, among others.

I first read that as Amway, which made me laugh. I thought, huh. A charity pyramid scheme. Interesting.

Anyway, thank you Lee Ann & Ron & Jaida & Jasmine for your thoughtful and generous gift. Now, Di Di Mao! which is badly-spelled Vietnamese for "get the hell out of here"!

Happy New Moon of Scorpio! The energy in the air this month is wicked *intense*. It's my friend Cephora's birth month, and if you know her, you'll have some idea what to expect. Ye-ouch! (Cephora, you know I love you darlin').

So, in the true spirit of scorpio, I have set a new Malawi goal. One that is, for me, awe-inspiringly "impossible" to achieve. And yet, at the same time, it's a dollar amount that I know for certain I will hit.

FundRaising $101,000 Malawi.

Why is it a good number? I understand 101 is the numerical value of the Angel Michael, who is the energy of Mercy...which is also the energy of this month. This is the month of Noah's flood. The floodwaters of judgment for the hellions who had it coming. Or, seen another way, the floodwaters of mercy to clear the land of evil...and yet, not kill indiscriminantly. Mercy is always available for those who will receive it.

At my accidental wedding (meaning I got married way too young) I insisted on a father-daughter dance. I chose Peter Gabriel's, "Mercy Street" as our song. I was so drunk, my poor dad had to hold me up. The wedding video is still too painful to watch. Thank God for mercy.

But where was I?

Oh, 101. It's also the numerical value for the Light energy of "giving without agenda". I like that. I mean, I certainly have an agenda to help raise a village, but I have no personal agenda for glory. That defeats the whole purpose.

I share only to make a contribution to others who are up to something in their lives goalwise. I share to bring awareness of the issue of poverty and what we can do about it. And, lastly I share to help cause a movement in my community to make a difference in the world. God as my judge, that's my agenda.

Now, acknowledgments in this new Light:

Thank you Dan Miller for your very generous contribution to Raising Malawi and for being the first $150 donation (which we'll add to the $25K) against the new $101K goal.

Dan Miller I know from a six-month leadership training course, the ILP (i forgot what "I" means (Intensive??), but I know LP stands for leadership program). This is the course where I met Cephora.

What's the numerical value of Bonnie, I wonder? Negative 10? I actually mean that as a positive, but man Bonnie was impossible. She was also in our group and I remember a lot of Bonnie energy. She went to med school I'm pretty sure. Columbia?

We were all blocked in different ways. Me? I was the ice queen. Bonnie? She would swing on a dime....just couldn't see her vision through on her own. Dan? I don't remember his struggle. Maybe because he was so good at helping all of us. I recall him giving Bonnie some good coaching in a car ride home from Philadelphia after a weekend-long bootcamp. I tried and tried with her. Then Dan stepped in and connected. He was great. Lucid. Bonnie got it, and that's saying a lot.

Dan is also an IT expert. We recently reconnected for a research project I was leading for IBM. He just CRANKED on it. (I wasn't supposed to tell you IBM was my client, but since you're done with the study, I suppose there's no harm in your knowing.)

Dan, your insights are gold, my friend! You make the hard to understand easy. You will go very very far. Best wishes in your new endeavor and, of course, thank you so much for your oh-so-generous donation to Raising Malawi. Like I always tell you, you SO ROCK!

HAPPY DREAMS FULFILLED! 2006 GAME WON!

Not game over. Game won. We won the first game of the season...(Season of Giving)

I really do take this very seriously. This is just a checkpoint to say, good for us. We hit our goal -- or my goal, whatever -- to raise $25,000 by 12/25/06. I hope I inspired others to join me on this journey. So let's keep going...and let's see how our money gets put to use to actually flip this village in Gumulira.

I'm going to visit early next year and make a video report on the progress of the orphan care center and what's happening with the sustainable village program.

Many heart-felt thanks to each and every one of you, for each and every dollar you gave to make it possible to RAISE MALAWI.

The last donation came from David Duncan, who was inspired to get back on the ice (after a generous donation some months ago) and swing hard -- $1,390 hard -- to hit the puck in the net.

Thank you, D! (Go Leafs, Go!)

Keep the donations coming. I am wondering if we can hit $100,000 by 12/25/2007....... Let me dream on that one. It's really cool to imagine.

I'm crazy excited! In the past two days, two old friends reached out from the shadows to mail checks for Raising Malawi, giving the total donations a $550 push!

Joe Cummings, whose birthday happens to be Monday (10/23) -- my favorite month, number and hence, day of the year -- wrote me that he thought he was going to be fined for submitting his condo assesment late. But that didn't happen, so .... he's putting this money to better use in Africa versus the gas tank of his management company board president's Cadillac Escalade.

I met Joe, what like six, seven years ago on a group trip to Italy. Our first group dinner together, I remember trying to push a shrimp out of its tail, inadvertantly shooting it across the table to land in Joe's lap. He was very decent about it. And returned it to me without saying anything. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. I was so embarrassed, but I knew immediately we were meant to be friends.

Anyway, thank you, Joe! I opened your letter in the elevator last night and kissed your check when I got it!

And then there's Spiro, who asked for no acknowledgment, but I can't help myself. I just had my 20 year high school reunion last week and was super bummed not to see Spiro there. Everyone let him off the hook because he's a dad to five Greek children and had to babysit.

I love the Greeks! And I always loved Spiro. We had a lot of the same classes together. He liked school and was good at it. I hated school. Despised it. I ditched a lot with my friend Bob Townsend. We'd usually leave around noon to go to his house to watch the Munsters and drink vodka. I just couldn't take it seriously. And I was starting to fail. I was overwhelmed. I had no real idea how I would afford college, but I knew I needed to go. So, my priority became working at K-mart for $5 an hour. And babysitting for $2 per hour to save up.

Spiro was kind to me. He told me my focus seemed off. For one, he couldn't understand why I listened to all that "heavy metal" stuff. I tried to explain that Pink Floyd isn't exactly metal, but he didn't get it. He was so straight and narrow.

Then he gave me some advice that shifted the entire context of my world. He said, work matters a lot to you right? "Yes!" I said, "of course it does. They pay me! I have responsibilities. I have to take it seriously!"

And then he said to me, "Well, if college matters to you and if getting a really good job someday matters to you, then you have to treat school like a job."

I don't even know if he would remember telling me that, but it changed everything for me. It really focused me. And I took on that advice in college - I became the CEO of my career...which started with my education.

And I went to college (dropped out 3 times to try to pay for it!) Then I went to grad school. And I was off....

Thank you, Spiro for your many contributions. May all good things return to you and your family.

Sweet Home Chicago








Today, I had a breakthrough in consciousness. I wake up every day thinking, what can I do to help Raise Malawi? I've been busy with ideas (several I'll be sharing soon!) but I haven't gone deep into my own wallet. It was time.

Not to just give. But to give with the consciousness of making a difference in the world. Tonight, I am so humbled and priviledged to share that I was the channel for a $15,000 donation to Raising Malawi!

My likeminded new friend and teacher Yehuda guided me in the achieving the right consciousness. So, we got out a cauldron and boiled a dragon's eyelash and the balls of a righteous man.

Actually, we didn't do that cuz it's SO hard to find a righteous man in this city. But we did do an exercise of introspection to make certain that the gift was genuine and powerful and sourced from a higher place. Otherwise, its power/energy/ Light-in-the-world to make a difference would be limited.

I had forgotten till today that this money had actually manifested itself in Chicago earlier this year.

These pix are of my home at 2300 West Wabansia in Chicago. Hi old friend. I bought you in the 90s when there were drug needles on the ground and hookers working the key corners of my street. But, had Bucktown already regentrified? Was I buying too late and paying too much? Dare I say, not! You were too cool, my little loft condo. My little natural-wood, high-beamed giving tree.

And, you doubled my money. I thank you!

I sold you on April 3rd of this year because it was time. I needed to call my energy back from Chi-town. I'm a New Yorker now. You put me into bidding wars in only 3 days. And I sold you to a nice Polish-named guy cuz you gotta help the people.

So, why do I sing your praise? Because you earned me the top of the market. You definitely worked overtime for that extra little $15,000 kick.

Tonight, I give just some of that ceiling-high appreciation to the babies of Malawi. I make today's donation with the intention of unlocking the gates that have been seemingly jammed the past several weeks.

And, just a few hours ago I got a note from an old friend who offered a very generous donation and charitable matching from work. I can't wait to blog about it! The skies have cleared. I will share more about that donation (and hopefully others) once the pledge is made.

I am so happy to be part of this great movement.

CLICK HERE to watch a video of the progress we're making on the Raising Malawi project. It's 12 minutes long, so make yourself some popcorn.

I'm going sometime between January and March of 2007 and hope to post my own video report then.

If you can DONATE, now is the time!

THE SECOND BITE WILL KILL YOU. Since the time of Creation, a different energy is revealed each week. This energy gives us information, knowledge, and support to tap into so that we can grow and change. The energy of this week 10/15-10/21 begins with the story of Adam and Eve.

If you know the story, the key thing to understand is that it was the second bite, not the first, that's the source of original sin.

In a biblical nutshell:

The Garden of Eden exists in "Tree of Life" reality. The real reality. No chaos. No suffering. No pain. A hedonist's dream. Also in Eden, there's the "Tree of Knowledge" -- good/bad, right/wrong 1% reality. God says, enjoy Eden. Eat, drink, be merry. But don't eat from that one tree over there or you will surely die.

Die, meaning face the consequences: be banished from Tree of Life reality. Fall to Tree of Knowledge reality (judgement, pain, chaos) and have to earn your way back.

Eve is a good girl. She doesn't even want to touch the Tree of Knowledge -- in fact, she even tells the snake that -- because she doesn't want to be that close to temptation. But, the snake is snakey. He chats her up. Gets her to reconsider. She touches the Tree, and does not die. See! he says, and further seduces her to take a bite of an apple from the Tree. The snake told her that it contained all the Light of the Creator, and naturally, the Creator would want her to enjoy the Light.

She knew that it was a tool to connect Adam to a fuller experience of the Lightforce of the Creator. So she tried it. And then Adam took that infamous bite for the same reason. Their desires were pure.

But then they realized "hey, this really is powerful stuff." He went in for a second bite. He tasted the Light, and he wanted more. Nothing wrong with that.

But the distinction was his motivation changed. Whereas the first bite was taken with the intention of sharing a deeper connection with his Creator, the second bite was for the self alone.

All desires originate as a pure intent to experience the Lightforce of the Creator....and then, well, we just start to focus on the getting the Apple.

That's what's been happening to me. Last week I met with my career coach and we came to that distinction. (without all the adam and eve stuff. that's my kabbalah talking).

In this week's Consciousness Tune-up from Yehuda Berg (kabbalah), he says we -- especially folks like me with a goal who are not seeing it manifested -- need to ask ourselves,"What is fueling my desire, selflessness or selfishness?"

Obviously, my consciousness has been blocked for a bit, which is why we have capped out around $8K for Fundraising Malawi.

I am going to distinguish this week where I have been selfish with my sharing, my money, my time, my energy. All of it.

I am certain that we will raise $25K for the children of Malawi by 12/25/06.

Godspeed.

Let's shop to stop AIDS! Product (RED) just launched in America, opening a new front in the war against AIDS.

Bono was on Oprah yesterday to launch his red campaign. P.S. -- In case you don't know this, Oprah and I share a birthday, January 29th. We're aquarians, and this, my dear fellow Americans is the age of Aquarius. This is the time we can show the world why we have amassed all this wealth and power. We can change the world.

5,500 Africans die every day of AIDS, a preventable, treatable disease. That's two twin towers per day; or one tsunami per month. A lot of people.

But it costs money to prevent death from AIDS. It costs 40 cents a day to take 2 pills to stay alive. Do you know why Americans are no longer dying like we were in the 80s? AIDS didn't go away. We got medication for it AND we can afford 40 cents per day to stay alive.

The extreme poor can't afford it. Although, Bill Clinton is certainly doing his part to change that. But many need money. Let's please give up half a donut a day to help keep these people stay alive. This is an emergency!

Enter Product (RED). Red is a new idea Bono and Bobby Shriver are launching to work alongside the growing ONE Campaign to Make Poverty History.

Bono explains:

"Where ONE takes on the bigger, longer-term beast of changing policy and influencing government, (RED) is, I guess, about a more instant kind of gratification. If you buy a (RED) product from GAP, Motorola, Armani, Converse or Apple, they will give up to 50% of their profit to buy AIDS drugs for mothers and children in Africa. (RED) is the consumer battalion gathering in the shopping malls. You buy the jeans, phones, iPods, shoes, sunglasses, and someone - somebody's mother, father, daughter or son - will live instead of dying in the poorest part of the world. It’s a different kind of fashion statement.

You might think (RED) sounds too simple. But AIDS is no longer a death sentence. Just two pills a day will bring someone who is at death's door back to full health, back to a full life. Doctors call it 'the Lazarus effect'. I’ve seen it myself and I have to say that it’s nothing short of a miracle. These pills are available at any corner drugstore. They cost less than a dollar a day, but the poorest people in Africa earn less than a dollar a day. They can’t afford them, and so they die. It's unnecessary. It's insane.

You might think it’s too difficult to get these drugs to the people who most need them. A couple of years ago when DATA (Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa) lobbied President Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac to do more on AIDS we went to experts about this. From Bill and Melinda Gates, to Dr Paul Farmer working in the poorest places on the earth, to Dr Coutinho in his AIDS clinic in Uganda. Is it easy? No. Is it impossible? No. Can we do it? Absolutely. In 2001, there were 50,000 Africans taking ARVs. Now there are over one million people getting these life saving drugs thanks to President Bush's AIDS initiative, and thanks to the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, TB and Malaria.

There are though still 4.3 million Africans without drugs, which is why 100% of (RED) money is going directly to the Global Fund to support the work they are doing. (RED) uses the power in your pocket to keep people alive. ONE uses the power of your voice to create a more just world where people can earn their own way out of poverty. This means tackling more than AIDS. It means fighting corruption. Insisting on good governance. Getting kids in school. Changing trade rules. Getting businesses to invest in Africa. Myself and Ali started a company called Edun – a fashion line that makes clothes in Africa – because so many Africans we met said what they wanted more than anything was a job.

All of this is ganging up on the same problem – the greatest health crisis in human history and the extreme poverty in which it thrives. The Number 1 question we get asked is, what can I do to help? From today, you can do one more thing than you could do yesterday. Shop (RED). And if you haven’t already, join the One campaign at one.org.

As I said, this is an emergency. And in these dangerous times, how we in the West respond is an opportunity to show what we stand for, as well as what we stand against. If we're successful, we will not only transform millions of people's lives, we'll transform the way these people see us ... and in turn, the world in which we live."

This is Julia again. Bono is a real patriot. Not everyone understands what that means. Not Americans. Not Canadians, for fecking sure. But Bono does. Right now I'm watching him on Larry King. He said this: America is not just a country. It's an idea. And that idea is bound up in a quality. It's in our declaration. Men faced treason to pledge their lives, fortunes and sacred honor for the idea of equality. Bono just said it, and I agree: I am offended when i hear that people don't like America.

I, Julia Silka, will never apologize for being American. Because I am a true patriot. I love this country and the ideal of equality for all. I will never as long as I live lose that....

If I do anything in my life, I hope to inspire others to rise up and BE AMERICAN, the ideal which we were born and destined to be. America does not mean Republican. USA does not mean Republican. But it could. It's your choice. This is, afterall, America.

God Bless America. God Bless the World.

Madonna is in Malawi. The press on her visit is cryptic. She's alleged to be adopting a boy. Or not. Andrina Mchiela, secretary to the minister for gender and child welfare, said Madonna planned to adopt a Malawian child during her visit. Maybe wishful thinking on their part? Madonna's rep says she has no knowledge of any such thing.

This past August, I read that she was planning a trip to Malawi in October and Jeffrey Sachs (economic advisor to Kofi Annan and the UN) would accompany her. We know she's funding the building of the orphanage there. I imagine she's interested in checking that out. I would imagine Sachs would also like to know how that is going. I've seen pictures of its progress. It's honestly remarkable! You've got to remember, these kids don't have electricity or clean water or food. The orphanage will provide that for them. It should be complete early next year.

And then we need to provide funding to run it.

Why can't we believe that people are generous and want to make a difference in the world? Why does it always have to be about something else? Isn't raising $3M and working to help an impoverished village enough? If Madonna is adopting, great. So many kids living in Malawi will otherwise die before they hit five years old. That is, until we get in there and help. And Madonna is in there helping. Good deal. That's kabbalah. It's all about sharing.

Quite personally, I feel badly for Madonna when the press talks about Kabbalah as a religious cult, one because it's not (what are you supposed to believe? it doesn't make sense) and two, and probably the bigger point here, it makes me look bad! I'm not that much of a goodie two-shoes. I have my pride.

So, once again, here's the deal:

Malawi is among the poorest countries in the world, trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of hunger and disease. Just over 14 percent of the 12 million population is infected with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, and an estimated 1 million children have been orphaned.

The Raising Malawi project aims to set up an orphan care center to provide food, education and shelter for up to 4,000 children. It will have projects based on Kabbalah. Projects. Teach-a-man-to-fish-type projects for sustainable growth.

Any kabbalistic teachings are about Light consciousness. Light, as in the Creator, yes. Light consciousness is simply the opposite of victim consciousness. It means that for every cause, an effect. So, step it up and be the cause of your life. No matter what. And, if the odds are truly stacked up against you, well...with enough Light consciousness in the world, others will come to your aid. Because, the goal of Light consciousness is to become beings of sharing not from the illusion of "me" being separate from "you", but with a knowing that, at the source, our souls are all connected.

That's it. That's the spiritual mumbo jumbo. The only reason human beings argue with that consciousness is fear and ignorance. It's exhausting.

Although, I gotta say, why Madonna would choose to wear a white shirt knowing that she'd be crawling around a sub-Sarharan African dirt floor is beyond me. Now that's nuts!

Happy Halloween! I present a very frightening, and yet oddly inspiring pumpkin. David carved it for me. The left eye is a "2". The right eye a "5". His nose is a K. And Malawi are his jagged, scary teeth.

I just love October. It's my favorite month of the 12. My whole life, nothing but good things happen to me in October. Tonight is Yom Kippur -- Day of Atonement. This is my second year fasting. The idea is to practice restriction in the physical and spiritual forms (no food, water, sex, and basic comforts for 25 hours) and you realize greater gifts for the coming year. I went to Chicago 10 days ago for Rosh Hashana, the new year. And today's energy is even more powerful. Energetically, it's the most powerful day of the year.

I'm studying 10 Luminous Emanations at the Kabbalah Center. The teaching is that everything....Everything is already there. Like for example, let's say you're shopping for furniture. To raise your consciousness to connect with this idea, you don't actually have to look for the perfect furniture. Instead, shop for the furniture that is already in your house. It's a profound concept.

So, my Malawi pumpkin is not a goal. It's an unseen reality. I have already raised $25K. I just don't realize it. I'll admit it's more profound than my brain will accept.

The idea is that everything is already there, but the reason you don't experience it now is because of "bread of shame". (Didn't earn it). So, to earn it, there must be a "lack"...a lack gives you the ability to appreciate what you get. Our job then on the physical plane is to learn to appreciate every little thing so you can truly appreciate all of the Light (God).

So, back to Yom Kippur. I'm not Jewish, but I want to at least share what I'm learning about the energy of this day from my Kabbalah studies. Where to start? Lessee....there are 10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur where our job is to invest the time, energy, thoughts into what else we need to cleanse; remember, we did the heavy lifting last month in Virgo.

You've got to deal with the mud -- life's difficulties. The day you don't notice your mud is the day it's all over you. If you don't get involved with it, there will be no revelation for you. It's as simple as that. Lean into what's not comfortable. And do it with the intention of becoming a being a sharing.

By our actions in each of these days, we correct a day in the week all year round.

What is the level of correction? -- It has to do with how much we are busy with self alone versus sharing.

Yom Kippur is about letting go of everything! And, it's my interpretation that if you can't do it, you WILL be helped.

And what's the thing we fight to hang on to? The desire to receive for self alone. It's the hardest thing to let go, which is why it's the hardest epiphany to get.

I began my fast just before sundown. That was about 4 hours ago. I am hungry already.

I was fasting with a focus on my goal, Raising 25K for Malawi. As I write this, I think that's a rather weak consciousness. I therefore will sharpen my focus. I am fasting for children in Malawi. I am fasting so they may eat and drink clean water. I am fasting so that their crops may grow.

I dedicate my effort to healthy, happy children. The world's and my own.

I just hope I don't lose sight of that. It's so easy to forget and make it all about me. Let the pumpkin glow.

And thank you David for rocking it!